My best interuptions

by Nichole on October 9, 2011 · 8 comments

in FROM THE HEART,MY GIRLS

Having kids does not come easy to me. From the moment Daniel & I decide to have another kid, until the moment that baby is in my arms I will tell you: it is not easy. I’m not going to go into detail in regards to why, but for starters I’m not one of those people who just happens to fall pregnant.

maternity photo by Myriah Grubbs Photography

You see I’ve always wanted kids. Always. So badly. And I’ve never questioned whether or not I would be a mother. It was always my biggest dream, my biggest goal, my biggest prize… I can’t even begin to tell you the heartache I would have if it were amongst other dreams of mine that have had to be tossed to the sidelines… The thing is, that I’ve had to face that possibility. To be a “grown up”, married, and so close to having motherhood in my grasp – and to be told that it might not be so easy for me. Infertile, even to the thankfully fixable degree, for me, has never been an easy word to swallow.

I am starting this blog with that word though so that you can perhaps see where I am coming from. It is not wasted on me that the things that I get to do every day were things that I so easily could not have had. Even in the hard times, I have to remind myself how blessed I am and how close I came to missing out on the opportunity.

maternity photo by Myriah Grubbs Photography

Daniel and I were talking about our girls getting older. Something we often talk about when we are on a date or when they are in bed, like they happened to be this particular night.

(I’m sure you parents have no clue what I am talking about right??? I mean… who talks about their kids in their kids absence??? No, not us, and certainly not you. ;) )

The speed that they are growing up hits me more and more when I look at the girl K is turning into. I remember the day that it hit me that she was too old for me to pick up and carry around. From the moment she was born I knew that time would come, and I believed what other more experienced parents told me about how fast it’d all go and repeated their words to myself a million times — no doubt. But good golly it just came too quick!! It’s just hard to fully realize how fast it goes – until the moment has passed and you are faced with the reality that you will never live that moment again. Ever.

I often hear parents complaining about their children. I can say that I have been guilty of complaining a time or two….  or three…. okay you get it I’m not perfect, but let’s not count my imperfections ;) .  This is something though, that I try with all my might to avoid doing. I try, but I am certainly not flawless at it. But you see,… I’ve been that girl who heard a mom’s woes of how little sleep she was getting because her baby was teething, and I’ve been that girl who told myself I would do anything just to be up all night with my screaming child. I’ve been that girl who heard that pregnant woman talking about those crazy pregnancy symptoms (all of which men are so lucky to avoid, can I get an a-to-the-men?!?!) and I’ve been that girl who told myself I would take those symptoms times 10 if it meant I could come away holding a baby in my arms…

maternity photo by Myriah Grubbs Photography

If you’ve never been a mom, it’s hard to imagine the work that goes into motherhood. (And yes I’ve been that girl who was not a mom and did not like hearing statements like “if you’ve never been a mom…”). But truthfully, it’s something you can’t possibly imagine, until you are one. Motherhood can be overwhelming, perhaps because it is so many jobs all done by one person??? Suddenly little lives rely completely on you for life and let me tell you having lives depending soley on you is a lot of pressure. It is demanding. It is the practice of hour after hour, minute after minute, putting someone before yourself. And sometimes… we just need a break.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

But sometimes it saddens me to hear words out of the mouths of moms who I know love their kids, trying desperately to escape a moment they will someday wish desperately to get back. Somehow instead of looking like they just need time to themselves, which I’m 100 percent sure is the case, they end up looking like their kids are a huge pain to them. It stinks to say it…errr… type it…. but I’m sure I’m guilty of coming across this way at times as well.

I was talking to Daniel about how important it is for us to be careful with our words. So often I want to scream to the world all about the hard time I am having on “one of those days” (fill it with whatever craziness you can think of and you are probably right), and so often I am brought back to that simple reminder that I could have so easily not been living this life. I could have escaped the mess and the sleepless nights. I could have escaped the constant tugging at me, and whining,… the fits and the scowls… I could have escaped it all… And I would have been heartbroken and my life would have felt like something really significant was missing from it. Sadly, there are many women out there who are in that place… they can’t have children. I guess I feel like I owe it to those women to be thankful even when I don’t feel like it… even more, I owe it to God who I’ve pleaded with to have these kids who truly have taught me so much more about myself than any personality quiz ever could.

I think it’s important to remember how desperately most of us who are mothers wanted to be in the situation we are in right now. How we spent time even as young girls dreaming of the day when, big or small, we’d have a family of our own.

This might sound crazy but I’m always thinking of the big picture & even though this entry isn’t at all about any particular blog, Facebook post, or Twitter status — really it was motivated by the thought that moments are passing me faster than I can imagine and I’m trying desperately to be a good steward of each one — but let me phrase it this way: If we were to die tomorrow, and one of the few things left our kids had to remember us by were our Facebook statuses and the words we write on our blogs, would they see how much they meant to us? Or would they think they were just another burden we were trying to escape from?

Be real? Yes! :) Tell a good friend in confidence what you are struggling with. Admit that you need a break and take time for yourself because truly, all of us need it. But let’s not do it in a way that is demeaning to our children. Please, let’s not say something that our kids might hear or look back on and conclude that they were an unwelcome interruption.

Sincerely,
That-girl-who-always-wanted-to-be-a-mom-and-for-a-few-moments-wondered-if-she’d-ever-get-to.


Girls, the obstacles your dad & I have gone through to have you in our lives will always be, by far, the best hoops we’ve ever jumped through…. they got us you.

Related posts:

  • http://myfreshlybrewedlife.com/ Barbie

    You are a blessed woman.  My children are much older than yours and I have been guilty of complaining about them — they are too noisy, interrupting, winey, on and on and so forth.  I praise God that He gave me the ability to bear children.  It is such a gift that I cannot fathom having to go through life without.  Your girls are beautiful!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marianna-Limon/100000927825117 Marianna Limon

    Great reminder for all moms! I’m also praying and believing that one day I will be a mom. If it’s not a problem, do you mind sharing with me what “hoops” you and your husband jumped to concieve. I’m always looking to gain wisdom from other people’s experiences. If this is to personal and you chose to remain this information private I understand. You have beautiful children.  God bless you and your family.

  • http://www.charisscofield.com charis

    your last sentence made me almost cry. they are such a gift.

    my recent post: when the curse is reversed
     

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kayla-Daniel/648568896 Kayla Daniel

    I can’t remember how I found your blog, but thankfully I did! Your words really paint a new perspective every time you write! This post just about made me cry! You have truely inspired me, and one day when I become a mother, I hope to be as amazing as you are at it!!

  • Nichole

    Thanks! Glad you like it :) means a lot!

  • Nichole

    They are! :)

  • http://www.blognotperfect.com Nichole

    Thanks :) I think they are beautiful too! 

  • http://www.blognotperfect.com Nichole

    Thanks so much :) . I’m totally willing to share, just not on a ‘blog’ as of yet. On my next posts “My latest addiction” I posted at the end how to contact me about stuff like that :)

Previous post:

Next post: