You make beautiful things

by Nichole on October 25, 2012 · 2 comments


All this pain I wonder I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all.

All this earth – could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of us.

I first heard this song at church shortly after I finished my never ending miscarriage. Okay *slight* exaggeration as it did in fact have an end, [thank God] but for the sake of being honest – that’s how it felt. It was all still a jumble of confusion to me: why I miscarried my impossible pregnancy, why a miracle happened to me, and why it was taken away. I was confused and wondered if I’d ever get pregnant without fertility again. Hearing this song was just more confirmation of, despite all this confusion, what I knew to be true. Regardless of whether my body chose to work without medication again – something beautiful was going to come from it.

It wasn’t easy… I’m not superwoman, so I must admit this shocking fact: not all things come easy to me. Did your mouth drop? No? Okay, well I’ll just pretend it did ;) . In all seriousness, it was hard to believe and pray for another miracle. It was hard to keep my heart thankful for that which I lost.

Still, I felt strongly that I needed to be reminded of the miracle that happened to me; to be reminded to keep my heart thankful. I also felt strongly that I needed a reminder to have hope for more kids. I’ve always wanted a big family and though a big part of me wanted to give up and use the excuse we’d earned of it all being too hard, I didn’t want something painful to destroy that hope.

All around,  hope is springing up from this old ground
out of chaos life is being found in this.

You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of us.

Several hard months of trying later,  I got pregnant without fertility. It happened exactly when we chose to give up. Without signs during those months of my body being regular, we finally accepted that this next baby would mean more rounds of fertility; which for the record, is something that I still view as a miracle.

This blog is probably slightly random, and a bit different from my usual blogs but I’m writing it to announce my pregnancy. I’m 17 weeks and 5 days pregnant and, for me, getting pregnant on my own was and is a miracle.  One that so many others believed in so much more than myself.

I’m also writing this blog to remind myself yet again that sometimes in the midst of something painful, it’s hard to see the coming beauty. And though that is okay, it is always always worth it to hold on and believe for the coming miracle.

He makes beautiful things.

He makes beautiful things out of the dust.

Hang in there. Miracles happen.

Thanks baby for reminding me of that.

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  • charis

    simply beautiful! i am so happy for the miracle you are carrying in your womb and the one you carry in your heart.

    my recent post: how’s the fruit?

  • Anonymous

    Can I say “YAY!” for your pregnancy?! I’m glad to see this big little miracle in process in your life!

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